Okay, but what about the journey to being more positive? What about the daily struggles it takes to get there? The in between. Let’s be honest, it’s not always the easiest to do. A lot of us might have different circumstances that hold us back from trying to get to that space. Mentally, you may not be able to just flip a switch and “be positive”. Physically, you might have a handful of obstacles you’re trying to face.
Personally speaking, it’s been difficult for me to do. I know, from my last post I’ve made it clear about my depression. But even though I battle that, I was doing decent for a bit and the state of positivity was a bit easier to get to. At this moment and as of lately I find myself having to use tremendous effort just to stay positive for even the shortest amount of time. The circumstances which I’m under seem to just keep me held down and I’m not sure how to release myself from this unyielding cycle. There is so much I want to do. I’m feeling overwhelmed and dealing with these “circumstances” is only making matters worse. It might not make much sense and sound like I’m all over the place with this, but that’s exactly what it feels like.
One thing I’m determined to do is not let this destroy me. At the moment it just feels like I’m cracking from all the stress and pressure but still confined to the same space. It’s like I’m just stuck. Like I’m just running a maze with no way in and no way out. At the end of the day you have to do for yourself what nobody else can do for you. You are your only in and out of most circumstances. I’m learning to be there for myself more and be a bit more time consumed with me. I’m working on myself for the better and it’s taking more than some time.
I must admit though, writing tends to put me at some ease which is why I figured this might help me a bit. I guess in a way writing was always therapeutic for me. It’s like a process of me coming to multiple realizations and at the same time release my feelings and thoughts, as well as some of the pressure. There’s just something about putting and seeing your feelings in words that can really open your eyes.
Ultimately, I want to get to how I was a while back. It felt more peaceful. It was more peaceful. I wish I could hold on to that and never let it go. I guess sometimes you just have to take the hard road to get there.
Disclaimer: I even mention it in my post but I might sound all over the place, I’m in a pretty emotional and weird state of mind, but I’m keeping it raw with you all. That’s the only way I know how to convey myself and my feelings.